On the eve of my 25th birthday, I thought it might be nice to tone down the political discussion and tongue-in-cheek rhetoric (ie. silliness) and take a more serious tone in order to reflect on the knowledge I've gained in my life.
2. Life may not be in your control, but how you choose to react to it is absolutely yours to manage. If anyone has had to learn this lesson the hard way, it’s been myself in the past few months what with impromptu moves, sudden personal losses, and shattered visions of the future blooming into a massive storm cloud over my head. I did not choose any of the events which shaped my current circumstances, but rather than wandering out into the cold, seeking the edge of the world, I moved to Toronto. I chose a different opportunity, finding lessons among the hardship and keeping my face held high despite the world being able to see my bruised cheeks and swollen lips.
3. Reading is cool. Learning is cool. Challenging yourself to engage with different viewpoints, unknown worlds, and challenging ideologies is very cool. It helps you be more empathetic and knowledgeable about human nature. I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again – never trust a person who has never read and appreciated a novel. You may not be getting hard facts or historical data from a novel, but the value that lies within is so much more than can be empirically measured. To quote filmmaker John Waters, ‘If you go home with somebody, and they don’t have books, don’t f**k them!’ Intelligence is sexy. Resistance to ideas is not.
4. Being a jerk doesn’t make you cool – it just makes you a jerk. When people say they miss high school and wish they could go back, it hurts my mind, as I obviously have a quite different recollection of this period than they do. I remember meanness, people picking on each other for having qualities of merit that caused one or another person to shine and stand ahead of the pack. I remember being mocked for loving reading, and thus not wanting to share my writing. I remember having my taste in music, my favourite films, my fashion sense, and my choice of hair colour not only questioned but straight up ridiculed. (‘Dying your hair isn’t cool. I’m never going to dye my hair,’ I remember an old friend directing at me on several occasions, yet I somehow suspect that her formerly brunette mane didn’t turn blonde overnight on its own…) I remember rude nicknames and unfortunate practical jokes, but I also remember loyal friends, mainly because those people are the ones I’ve kept around and who made themselves memorable on a larger scale.
5. There is more to life than ‘thigh gap’. (Though if striving for a goal such as this keeps you active and health conscious then keep at it, lady!) I am not a skinny girl. My body has curves and muscles and bony bits and wobbly bits. Yes, I have a thigh gap, but I also have cankles and big ears and one boob larger than the other. But other people don’t notice those things!* Unless I broadcast my weight, no one will ever know what the scale says, and weighing less than so-and-so won’t keep me from having asthma or possibly contracting cancer. Enjoying the physical abilities of my body and feeling confident is more important than living up to an unrealistic expectation, and fortunately I've realised that while still rather young.
6. Alone time is just as important as friend time, family time, or partner time. If someone is unable to spend time solo either due to their own lack of hobbies or fear of being alone with their thoughts, that person is not going to be very emotionally healthy. Introspection and introversion aren’t the same thing, and understanding who you are and how you’re programmed will keep you from being in a perpetual state of forced loner-hood.
9. Respecting someone else does not always mean agreeing with their opinions. I am an outspoken feminist, liberal, and creative who comes from a conservative, traditional community. That being said, I have great relationships with my family. I have several close friends who I initially met in childhood. I have a younger brother with horrific taste in movies. Obviously opposing viewpoints can exist in peace if people make the effort to engage and attempt to understand one another rather than being defensive of their views or mimicking doormats.
DISCLAIMER:
MOTHERS, FATHERS, GRANDMOTHERS, NUNS:
TURN AWAY! THESE NEXT TWO ARE A TAD RACY.
(However, any discomfort is your own fault, and the author takes no responsibility for prudishness).
10. Having sex – and enjoying it – doesn’t make you
a ‘slut’. Having sex to impress people or to get your sexual partners to like
you, love you, or recognise you as a worthwhile person makes you one**. There is
nothing shameful about being a nice person who enjoys nice sex. The issue
arises when sex becomes a weapon of emotional, physical, or mental destruction.
11. Having great sex with someone you love is way
better than having lots of meaningless sex. Though having great sex period is pretty
fantastic (and often rare, especially if you have lady parts). Never underestimate the importance of being vocal regarding
(ie. talking about) what you enjoy rather than merely being vocal (ie. huffing and
puffing and blowing the walls down with your fake shrieks) because that’s what
you think you have to do to impress your partner (ie. what Hollywood/porn have imbedded
in the cultural collective unconscious, and for those of you who have not realised
it yet: porn is not reality!!) Reality can be as seamless or uncoordinated, as serious
or amusing as we let it be, but the important thing about it is that it’s real, and we should embrace it as such.
ATTENTION PARENTS, GRANDPARENTS, REPRESSED MATHLETES:
IT IS NOW SAFE TO CONTINUE READING.
12. Having heroes encourages self-improvement. One
of the nicest compliments I ever received was when a former co-worker told me I
reminded her of Audrey Hepburn, a woman I think is the epitome of class and
elegance, combining intelligence, wit, and cheekiness into one fashionable package.
Obviously I don’t have Audrey’s impeccable grace or Wes Anderson’s focused
artistic vision or Marilyn Monroe’s gift for comic timing or Cormac McCarthy’s mind-blowing
eloquence, but the attributes of these and many other people I look up to serve
as motivation to improve what I do have.
13. Never underestimate the power of comfortable shoes. That
being said, ugly shoes are unforgiveable.
Living proof right here that you can have cute shoes that also provide comfort
for your tootsies – and this is coming from someone who walks everywhere, so
don’t give me that look.
14. Sometimes relationships run their course. In the past I have let
go of relationships that no longer fulfilled my emotional needs due to changing
circumstances, personalities, or opinions. That being said, I can’t think of many people with whom I have an openly bad relationship nor who would say I
betrayed them in some way. I do have friends with whom I have lost touch, who I
regret not seeing more or investing more energy on. However, I also understand
that at different points in our lives we all have different needs, and if a
connection grows weaker or even breaks it doesn’t mean the time spent on that
relationship was a waste. It was a learning experience, a happy memory, or
maybe a bittersweet one. But if you’ve tried to make it last and put yourself
out there to no avail, it’s time to let go and move on to relationships more
suited to who you’ve become.
15. Serendipity exists. I was really craving ice
cream the other day. Then I saw Ben & Jerry’s advertising Free Scoop Day on
Twitter so I went and got myself a free bowl of creamy, chocolatey,
cookie-filled goodness. Coincidence? I think not.
COME BACK TOMORROW FOR PART DEUX
OF 25 THINGS I'VE LEARNED IN 25 YEARS***
*Maybe the big ears.
**Or when you're a stupid dummy who doesn't take their sexual health seriously and has sixteen STIs. That definitely makes you a slut.
***This feature will not be in French. Désolé.
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